The Kickstarting Dream

Last Thursday night (2/23) I had this dream, which I've broken up into the fragments that still stand out to me.

*I POAS, but really it is in a plastic 6 oz cup, and dip a HPT in it. The HPT is white and pink, and shows me that I'm pregnant.
*I looking online about being just a few days pregnant and the webpage I'm looking at links to my Facebook page. I scramble to erase it so nobody knows my secret.
*I'm in a meeting at work and afterwards tell my coworker Emily that I'm pregnant. Her reaction is, "Oh crap, now I have more work to do," meaning that I'm going to be leaving when I give birth and be a SAHM.
*I'm pregnant on my February cycle and know that my EDD is November. I know in the dream that I didn't an early November baby, yet I know that everything will be ok even though this isn't how I planned getting pregnant.

I wake up and feel very connected to the last bit, about "everything will be ok"--words I've seen and heard many times before from friends and family. This dream is on my mind all day long.

That evening I'm watching The Tudors on Netflix and there's an intimate scene. DH in the kitchen hears it and comes to investigate. Pretty soon we are kissing and holding each other, and I know that with a little encouragement I can get us moving to the bed room (or staying on the couch, find with me!). I think about the night before when we BD'd and I was this close *makes itty bitty measurement gesture* to not letting DH pull out. I think about how I know he's told me in the past that if he didn't pull out, it would cause him to worry until AF showed up, no matter where I was in my cycle (man brain). I start to cry because I have such conflicting emotions:  on one hand, my body has this huge instinct to TTC and I can't stop thinking about it every time we BD; and on the other, I don't want him to worry. He asks me what's wrong, and I tell him about my dream.

He was glad I told him. We talked for the next hour. His question was, "What if last night was conception and your dream came true?" We focused more on the two financial aspects the have caused us to be cautious about TTC, which is paying for medical costs during pregnancy, and paying our bills after birth. Now that DH has a part time job for at least 14 weeks, we'll get an unexpected $3,000 or so that can go towards our Baby Fund. We still get the GI Bill stipend, which will bulk up our general savings account. Then, if his summer internship pans out, we should make a little bit of money off of that as well. DH is optimistic that his current part-time job will be extended due to the amount of work available and how easy it is for the company to have him telecommute and see desired results. His-time job is about 70% of what I make a week, and he would be able to keep making that, then I could stay home with our baby, which is what we both want.

We made our hypothetical unplanned pregnancy work, and then we asked each other if we would be ok trying this month and having a baby by the end of the year. We agreed. We also agreed that it would be like jumping into a lake--get wet if you're going to get wet! DH said, "I'll make that jump with you." Awe, he's the best!

I told him that I had until the following Sunday (3/4) to decide if I should go back on the Pill, and we would check with each other to see if our feelings changed at all. It's been 5 days since our talk, and we're still on board.